Hugs and Consent - What Girls Need to Know

    

     Today I asked the girls in my class, ages 8-10, if they liked it when other people walked up and hugged them. They all said that they didn't like or were uncomfortable with hugs, unless it was with someone special like a parent or a best friend. 

     We came to the consensus that it was a good idea for others to ask permission before hugging or touching them. "May I give you a hug?" or "Is it okay if I hug you right now?" Asking permission shows respect to them and their need for personal space. 

     We also determined that it was okay to say no to such a request.That saying no was not being disrespectful to others, but being true to how they felt. "Thank you, but I really prefer to shake hands, if you don't mind."

    This idea of asking first is an easy one for young people to understand. It is the start of introducing the concept of consent. 

    Another simple example of unwarranted touching is when adults, teachers, and coaches move children around like pawns on a chess board. To make this concept concrete, I ask one of the girls to come forward. As she stands waiting, I put my hands on her shoulders and move her saying, "I want you to stand here" while I shove her to a new spot. I do this with several of the other girls. "Move here," I say, but then push with my hand on their back, or pull them to guide them into position. 

     "How does that make you feel? Do you like it when an adult just shoves you around into a new spot?" Of course, none of them liked it at all. That feeling of discomfort or indignity of being moved around like an object felt downright disrespectful. And it is.

     Young children should never be forced to hug people, especially when they react adverse to the idea. As my wise 8-10 year old girls informed me, they feel comfortable hugging only the special people in their lives. Let's honor that. 

So we practice a few techniques on how to avoid and graciously decline that unwanted hug. You can too. 

For those young girls and women that are old enough to understand what a creepy hug feels like, here is a link to a great video from the Gracie University on how to avoid creepy hugs, called "6 Creepy Hug Defenses for Every Woman."  Learn them and teach them to your female friends.  

Peace and Stay Safe.